People like me (read: people who are ensconced in the underground and hang out with metal nerds on the daily) don't realize something about the state of music today. Namely we've successfully insulated ourselves from the "real world" outside of our little sphere of whatever metal we love. Goats n' Gasmasks war metal, thesaurus aping brutality, high flying fantasy metal, shamelessly retro throwbacks, whatever it is you're into, you're probably into something like that if you're here and reading this. I had a bit of a wakeup call a year or so ago when curiosity struck me and I started wading into the "new metal tracks" type playlists on Spotify, and I was struck with a stunning revelation.
All those "false metal" things that internet nerds used to be all up in arms about fifteen years ago like nu metal and metalcore? Yeah, it's all still going incredibly strong, with a healthy scene populated by a zillion bands I've never heard of that have 30k+ Facebook likes with oolongs of middle school kids bumping this shit at full volume. Crazy right?! Turns out that "metal" is still a nebulous term that people have different definitions for, and the definitions that MA has been diligently (and correctly) excluding for almost two decades now is still around and kicking with no resistance. Who knew?
I bring that up because imagine my shock when I came across Swim to Drown's Fortress in my latest promo batch. I figured based entirely on the album cover and title that this would be more weepy death/doom since I've been getting a surprising amount of that, but no! Swim to Drown is some horrifying bastard hybrid of Meshuggah and Limp Bizkit, complete with bouncy djent rhythms, turntables, and nasally rapping. I like loads of stupid shit, don't get me wrong, but this is almost insulting to my intelligence in how brain dead and idiotic this is.
Fortress is the musical equivalent of a rubber chicken. This whole stupid thing is loaded with dorky "comedy" that usually manifests in random videogame samples, vocals that sound like the quack that Ryo-kun frequently squawks out at the end of Maximum the Hormone tracks, and funky basslines that could have potential if they weren't surrounded exclusively by Z-grade rapping and bwongdong non-riffs. Maximum the Hormone is a great band that utilizes loads of nu metal influences, but they surround them with fantastic hooks and huge explosions of manic aggression. They're much more System of a Down than Korn, is what I mean. Swim to Drown takes most of their influence from those fucking awful late 90s/early 00s nu metal bands that populated themselves with snapbacks and fratboys as opposed to tryhard edgelords in halloween costumes (Slipknot and Mudvayne at least had a few genuinely good songs, even if they were on accident). It's the wimpy sentimentality of Linkin Park with the feckless bravado of Limp Bizkit, festooned in riffs that sound like ballsacks that conjure up Korn without the angst. Some of you may recall I gave a very mixed review to Crossfaith like six years ago, and what it was about them that kind of entranced me was how it was dumb poppy metalcore with incongruous bass drops and dance beats that was clearly drying to capitalize on the dubstep craze of the time, but I couldn't help but kind of enjoy some of the songs for how unabashedly lighthearted and goofy they were. They were catchy pop songs with dance beats and occasional chug riffs, but for as stupid as they were, they were at least sometimes put together in such a way where the obvious trendhopping sounded like a genuine attempt to write something engaging and fun.
Swim to Drown? Fuck no, this is smooth-brained numbskullery of the lowest kind. There's nothing fun here, this is just an album of aggressively moronic, low-brow, solid-skulled nimrod anthems. I try to stay off my high horse whenever I can because I like a lot of pea-brained goofiness, but Fortress is too much even at my drunkest. I know because I tried!
RATING: 4%
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