I've touched on it before, but I just want to reiterate something I like to call "Roy's Law", which states "The quality of any given Bodom album is inversely proportional to how violent the Grim Reaper on the cover is acting." On the great albums (the first three, Halo of Blood) he stands beckoning or remorseful, a mysterious figure symbolizing the inevitable end that awaits us all. On the awful albums (Blooddrunk, Relentless Reckless Forever) he's violently murdering somebody. Bodom was never a particularly deep band, they are famous for Alexi making up half the lyrics on the spot in the studio and he drops more f-bombs per minute than a shitty Rob Zombie flick after all, but there's a certain meta-poetry in the fact that how stupid and brainless their mascot is acting at any given time tends to mirror how stupid and brainless the music contained inside will be. The only real hitch in this theory is their fifth album, Are You Dead Yet? This one features Roy menacingly glaring at you from behind some screen, clearly inspired by The Ring, so like... does this one count as mid-murder? Is this merely ominous?
The music contained wherein this time tends to confirm both interpretations, and unsurprisingly this album winds up being something of a mess. Hate Crew Deathroll was, at the time, clearly a transition album, moving from the hyperactive "Nightwish with yowling" style they pioneered into a style more outwardly heavy and rooted in actual melodeath, so Are You Dead Yet? was, initially at least, seen as the logical endpoint of what they were aiming towards in 2003. In a post Blooddrunk world, however, this is more clearly a second phase to the transition, retaining some of the high flying acrobatics of the classic era while further pushing their sound into the realm of downtuned chug riffs and bare-knuckled brutality. This style wasn't Bodom's strength necessarily, but tracks like "Sixpounder" fucking ruled so logically there's no reason they wouldn't be good at this as well. And honestly? For about thirteen minutes they absolutely do showcase some serious talent in more simplified songs.
The opening trio of "Living Dead Beat", "Are You Dead Yet?", and "If You Want Peace... Prepare for War" are every bit as good as the heavier songs on the previous album and even could have made it a near flawless album if they had replaced the few weaker tracks. Laiho and Wirman's trademark dueling solos are a tad less head-spinningly insane this time around, but their ear for hooks is as sharp as ever, with the title track and "If You Want Peace..." sporting two of the catchiest choruses the band will ever write. And while riffs were never the band's strength (always instead shining via the aforementioned hooks, solos, and memorable melodies), I am to this day stunned that they managed to rip out a riff as fucking perfect as the pre-verse riff in "Living Dead Beat" after the intro. Total fucking shame that it only shows up for a few bars here and there.
It's the following two thirds of the album that shit the bed so mightily that it managed to sour those three belters and give this album the reputation as the first bad Bodom album. "Punch Me I Bleed" is the token slow song that shows up on every fucking record because they're desperate to recreate the success of "Angels Don't Kill", and apart from the monolithic verse riff (that I realize now sounds an awful lot like Cannibal Corpse's "Scourge of Iron" seven years early) it's just as plodding and lame as its predecessor. "In Your Face" also stands out as the song with the most wasted potential, since the initial feeling is one akin to that of "Sixpounder" with a shot of adrenaline, and the music itself borders on great from time to time, but... just holy shit this is the lyrical nadir. Alexi was never a good lyricist, but they also never really mattered or took center stage. Hell some of their best tracks include gems like "Well I'm an asshole and I really always will be" and "Kill, kill, kill, go fuck another one" so it's not like this is a new problem. But "OH MY GOOOOD HERE'S A FIIIIGHT" and a repeated refrain of "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK MOTHERFUCKER" is just somehow so much stupider than anything he's barfed out before. The rest of the album just flounders as the drunken Finns suddenly forgot how to write a song and everything just kinda flops around with lame chugs, weak leads, and no clear direction. "Trashed, Lost and Strungout" is the lone good song in the back half, sounding like another lost Hate Crew jawn, but after four spectacular bed-wetters in a row it's a task bordering on herculean to get excited about it.
I have a theory on why the album falls apart so quickly after the first few tracks, though I admit it's purely speculation. I feel like those three great songs were among the first written, and after a while Alexi realized that this new simplified direction is way the fuck easier to write than the complex pyrotechnics showcased on classics like "Kissing the Shadows" so he just stopped trying so hard. The songs feel like they came together on their own and I suspect they probably did, because the level of effort involved is abysmal here. Tracks 4 thru 9 sound like a stream of consciousness first drafts that were all in desperate need of tweaking and rewrites. Like come on, "We're Not Gonna Fall" sounds like a filler track that plays during the character select screen in Dynasty Warriors. There is no way "Next in Line" is the best he could do. I know he was absolutely losing his grip on the first half of "high functioning alcoholic" at the time and it shows. Even Janne Wirman's keyboard work takes a back seat for the majority of the album, which is a fucking crime considering how he was always the co-headliner in the band and arguably the most talented member to begin with. He doesn't play background atmosphere, that's not what he does, he's a front and center melody carrier and solo wizard. Putting him in the background to do twinkling bullshit is like signing Wayne Gretzky and making him play goalie. They make his reduced role work on the title track and precisely nowhere else.
Are You Dead Yet? is a house of cards that scatters the minute a stiff breeze blows its way. I wish with all of my heart that they could've kept up the level of quality showcased on the opening triad, because it's definitely different for them, but it's still excellent. Let it never be said that I hate change on principle. My main concern is whether or not the changes are good, and at first they absolutely are. This album really signaled the beginning of the end for a band that was once completely unique, more or less inventing an entire microgenre wholesale while reigning at the top of the pack on a macro scale. They would have a few minor rebounds here and there in the 2010s, but at the end of the day, Hate Crew Deathroll was a tantalizing peek at what Bodom could do if they streamlined their songwriting a bit, while Are You Dead Yet? is the depressing reality of what happens when they decide to go whole hog and stop giving a shit.
RATING: 44%
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