Sunday, April 13, 2014

Tuomas Holopainen - The Life and Times of Scrooge

Suck Tales! A-WOO-OO!

This can't be real...

No seriously, this is like, a Simpsons joke come to life, right?  This is shit you'd find in the Achewood Underground.  There exists, in this universe that you and I both occupy, an album, brought to you by the creepy dude from Nightwish who keeps whacking off to Disney movies and kicking pretty cougars out of his band when they won't blow him, an hour long symphonic album based off of motherfucking Scrooge McDuck.  Like... did the guyliner seep into Tuomas's bloodstream and poison him enough to make him completely shit-tits bonkers but not enough to mercifully kill him?  I mean, I just keep stuttering and using far too many commas and run on sentences here because my brain is just still struggling to process the colorful disaster in front of me and I just what.

But do you want to know what the worst part is?  The absolutely, indisputably, irreversably worst part about Music Inspired by the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck; Written and Produced by This Really Fucking Unnecessarily Long Title?  This is going to sound crazy, but you know exactly the kind of over-the-top cornball nonsense you imagine when you hear that the MILF Hunter from Nightwish was making an album about the fucking grouchy old codger from Duck Tales?  Yeah, this album has none of that.  I mean come on, are you fucking serious?  With a premise so goddamn ridiculous as Scrooge McDuck and his epic adventures before Donald had to join the navy and leave those three shitty kids in the care of the neglectful dickhead and produce the defining ohrwurm of late 80s/early 90s children, this should be much more stupid.  I know, I can't believe BH is knocking an album for not being as dumb as he expected, but really, this album doesn't even have the balls to be as utterly fucknuts wrong as the premise leads you to believe.

Maybe I just had my mind so set on hating and berating this from the instant I heard about it that the fact that it's actually decent is just pissing me off and my brain is just twisting logic to fit my prejudice?  I wouldn't say so, considering it's bad in just an entirely different way.  Yeah, I fully expected this to be an overly bombastic chili con queso, but instead it's just a goddamn snoozefest.  This is essentially the sound of Nightwish with all of the traditional rock elements removed.  You expected this to sound like the poppy shipwreck of post-Wishmaster stuff?  Not today, homeboy.  You get none of those stupid singalong moments, nor any of the kitchen-sink ballyhoo that you'd expect when Tuomas would get full control of a project.  No, this is just relaxed, symphonic lullaby music through and through.  It's lame as fuck because the mood just never changes.  "Glasgow 1877" starts off with a dreamy, sweeping epicism that brings visions of a magic carpet ride over Agrabah, and then for the next hour you're treated to that exact same theme.  It's just so goddamn dull, who the hell thought an orchestral album with absolutely no progression would be a worthwhile endeavor?  It's why metal songs need bridges, hooks, solos, fucking anything to keep it from sticking to one riff throughout the entire album, otherwise you'll end up with Six Feet Under.

And yeah, pointing out specific tracks for anything is kinda pointless since this whole thing is just one uninteresting blur of calm strings and pleasant piano.  I'm not gonna knock this for not being particularly daring or adventurous in of itself (I mean you should have know that Tuomas wasn't going to break any barriers here), but when the theme, as retarded as it is, is based on the adventures of a specific character, I shouldn't feel like I'm taking a dull sightseeing tour instead of embarking on journeys to ancient lands with the guy.  I guess it's nice lullaby music, but the whole experience is so static and bland that it just ends up being a waste of time to listen to.

On one hand, I know I'm probably being unfair for expecting this album to be something it isn't, and Tuomas clearly put his heart into this, but on the other hand it's just so fucking aggravating and uneventful that I still feel justified in hating it.  Nothing ever seems to move anywhere, each track begins and ends on the same note and everything in between is completely inconsequential.  This is an album full of nothing, just bursting at the seams with dead air.  Nothing on it sounds bad, all the instruments sound just fine and are arranged in ways that aren't confusing or anything, the female vocals are gorgeous and soothing and the male vocals are... well kinda shitty, but that's really the only technical aspect I can say sucks.  Everything else is just... there.  It's ten ballads in a row with no sense of adventure or loss or excitement or sorrow or anything.  It's a completely emotionless hollow of nothing.  And believe me, even if you hate Nightwish, at least something happens with that band.  It might be terrible, but it elicits some sort of emotional response out of you.  I can't see anybody even vehemently hating this, and the only reason it's getting a really low score has more to do with the absence of anything good as opposed to the abundance of anything bad.

There's no real ending to this review.  I could say it's symbolic because there's no real end to the album, since it just kinda putters out as weakly as it starts, but really I can just chalk this one up to laziness and a lack of anything worthwhile to say.  I wrote this purely because I thought my title was funny, fuck you.


RATING - 15%

52 comments:

  1. I don't care about your opinion on the album. What I care though, are the statements you try to pass as factual which would mislead whoever happens to stumble on this blog.

    This album is not based on Duck Tales. It's based on the comic book, Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck by Don Rosa. It chronicles the voyage of Scrooge McDuck as a youngster, and how he got all his money. So yeah, your critique of it being based on Duck Tales is way off the mark. There's no Donald, or the nephews here except for the very last chapter of the story.

    Just on that basis, I can dismiss your whole review as invalid.

    Have a good day, and maybe avoid throwing a childish tantrum next time.



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    1. 99% of the people who hear about this album are going to instantly think of Duck Tales, and I even say inside the very review that it takes place before Duck Tales. Twice even. I'm starting to think you read the title and immediately went down to comment.

      Also, mega hilarity at dismissing an entire piece based on one innocuous fact that not only has fuck all to do with how goddamn boring the album is, but one you couldn't even read further than the title to realize you got wrong. Keep on keepin' on, Sherlock.

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    2. That would be a ridiculous assumption because the Duck comics are more well known than Duck Tales in European countries. I was one of those kids who read the comics well before I even knew what the fuck Duck Tales even was.

      Don Rosa's story is a prequel to Carl Bark's comic book stories, not Duck Tales.

      >inb4 it's the same shit
      Carl Bark stories always have Donald in Scrooge's adventures. The time period is also very different as well as the characters (Who the fuck is Webby and Flagada Jones?). It's not the same shit.

      You complain about the premise being ridiculous and stupid. Let me ask you what is wrong with the premise? Oh yeah, Duck Tales is what's wrong with the premise, right? It's corny, stupid, and brainless, but like I said previously, this album has fuck all to do with Duck Tales. Having actually read The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck as a kid, I absolutely don't see why an album being made off it would be a bad idea. In my very opinion, if an actual movie was made off it like this album suggests, it would be miles better than anything Disney has put out in the last decade.

      And this is why your review is flawed from the beginning. You're set to hate on it because you believe it's Duck Tales and you have skewered your perceptions of what the album should be about purely based on this 'innocuous' fact.

      So you should understand by now where my complaint comes from. If you at least admitted that you absolutely don't know what it was about, i would literally have zero problems with you trashing it as the worst album ever made, but no, you came off as a know-it-all ignoramus instead.

      Get your facts straight, (none of this Duck Tales prequel bullshit), and do a proper review next time.


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    3. The review is fucking fine and accurate (along the lines of reviewing music). He reviewed an ALBUM on how boring it was, that it had an ok structure, good female vocals, poor male vocals (from a guy who throws women out of his band because they won't get on his dick and is singlehandedly destroying Nightwish). It also doesn't really mean shit if this was based on a book, comic, TV show, or Movie, in his (and personally my) opinion. To BH point, the majority of people will think Duck Tales without knowing the premise of the album. Just because you personally read the book before hearing of the show doesn't mean everyone else followed your experience.

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    4. >It also doesn't really mean shit if this was based on a book, comic, TV show, or Movie, in his (and personally my) opinion
      Unfortunately, yes it does mean shit, especially when this ignorance affects his perception of what the album should be about.

      >the majority of people will think Duck Tales without knowing the premise of the album. Just because you personally read the book before hearing of the show doesn't mean everyone else followed your experience.
      It doesn't mean everyone followed my experience, but IT ALSO DOESN'T MEAN the other way round either, which BH is clearly saying despite what I said about duck comics being more popular than duck tales in European countries, which is a FACT.

      If he didn't pretend to know what he knew he was talking about, it would be perfectly okay for him to trash it. Unfortunately, that's not the case here.

      Also your point about Nightwish and women is irrelevant. This album doesn't even have the Nightwish label on it (only the founder), and if BH trashed on it because of these real lfie events, that would make his opinion even less valid and worse.

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    5. Which, of course, would be important were this a critique of the story and nothing else. But the purpose of a CD review - and his "perception" of it - is to criticize the music, which, last I checked, he spent a majority of the review doing. The primary focus of any album of *music,* even a concept album, is, you know, the music.

      But...continue to discredit the entire review based on a single misattributed point on something that consists of, say, maybe 10% of the album's relevance at most. Logic, you ship sailing rapidly toward the horizon...We knew ye well. Godspeed.

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    6. Duck Tales. 10 VHS or 3 DVDs containing 200 episodes and one of Disneys longest running cartoons. A videogame spin off and 2 volumes of comics.

      Book: Sold around 3million.

      You be the judge of which one is more popular. I'm going with Disney and cartoons that reached a shit ton of a kids for a long long time.

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  2. You are making a review of a symphonic/folk album as a metal album. Obviously, you'll think it sucks. If you don't enjoy one of those genre, you won't like it at all. The album is fine, even if it doesn't have heavy/power metal parts. There are great compositions, good lyrics, and great performances. Not agree at all. Keep reviewing METAL albums. This is not your territory

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    1. Believe it or not, us neanderthalesque metalhead folk can actually appreciate well-written orchestral and ambient music. The album in question does not qualify as such.

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  3. Hello Tuomas, glad you like Mike's blog (also please stop making music).

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    1. HURR DURR LOOK AT ME BEING A RETARD.

      IT'S OBVIOUSLY TUOMAS RIGHT? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

      God, fuck off with your obnoxious unfunny comments.

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    2. Donald Duck would disagree with your potty mouth.

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    3. Wait, I thought Donald Duck's whole M.O. was having a potty mouth in duck language...

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  4. Of all the things that I thought would generate a bunch of controversy, bashing a mind-numbingly boring album album Scrooge McDuck was probably the last thing I expected. I think y'all were more forgiving when I gave negative reviews to Gorguts and Manilla Road, yikes.

    ANYWAY, I think the main problem y'all're having is that I never used the words "Don Rosa" or "comic" or whatever, instead referring to Duck Tales more often (despite obviously knowing this is based on said story). Let's get this out of the way, the one thing y'all got me on was that calling this a prequel to Duck Tales was incorrect, considering DT was more of a spinoff of this. I'm wrong there, go ahead and lynch me. But the point stands that I still think it's a fucking stupid idea. People are acting like The Life and Times of Scrooge is the Finnish equivalent to Calvin and Hobbes, but even then I think a C&H concept album would likely be terrible too. And if this album here is supposed to convey a sense of adventure, it fails with a focus and intensity normally seen only in successes. I am honestly blown away at how many people are defending this. Just... goddamn it sucks, I think it's terrible, go write the embassy on how mean I am or something.

    I'm totally open to criticism, but holy shit y'all're loony. I said I had expectations and the album defied them, I even implied it was a good thing before going in to how excruciatingly boring the whole thing is. And who the heck actually thinks I reviewed it as a metal album? The mental gymnastics on display here are fucking herculean in scope.

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    1. "album album Scrooge McDuck"

      I never said I wasn't stupid.

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    2. >I'm wrong there, go ahead and lynch me.
      Glad you admitted it.

      >But the point stands that I still think it's a fucking stupid idea. People are acting like The Life and Times of Scrooge is the Finnish equivalent to Calvin and Hobbes, but even then I think a C&H concept album would likely be terrible too.
      And yet you provide no reasoning for why it's such a terrible idea. You're just stating it trying to pass it as objective fact.Have you read Life and Times? And even if you didn't, you surely know that Disney movies contain orchestral music, and songs. This is a Disney comic book. Why the fuck is it so strange and bizzarre that you get music for a frigging Disney property?

      Also, if you knew well the story it's based on, why this stupid comment?
      >The absolutely, indisputably, irreversably worst part about Music Inspired by the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck; Written and Produced by This Really Fucking Unnecessarily Long Title?
      The book title is Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. The title of this album is Music inspired by the Life and Tmes of Scrooge. How is that unnecessarily long?

      >And if this album here is supposed to convey a sense of adventure, it fails with a focus and intensity normally seen only in successes. I am honestly blown away at how many people are defending this. Just... goddamn it sucks, I think it's terrible, go write the embassy on how mean I am or something.
      Here's a mistake here. Why the fuck are you assuming that Life and Times is supposed to convey a sense of adventure and that this album should convey that? Your expectations were unjustified, especially when you didn't actually read it. You of course made that connection because of Duck Tales.

      >I'm totally open to criticism, but holy shit y'all're loony. I said I had expectations and the album defied them,
      You say you're open to criticism and yet, your classic comeback is to just call us a bunch of looneys if you happen to disagree with our criticisms.

      > I am honestly blown away at how many people are defending this. Just... goddamn it sucks, I think it's terrible, go write the embassy on how mean I am or something.
      Funny you say how at the beginning that I didn't read your review, and yet now I can accuse you of the same. You didn't read my criticism.

      You keep going on about how the album sucks even now, and you're trying to justify your opinion on it. THAT'S NOT WHAT THE ISSUE IS ABOUT HERE. LET ME WRITE IN BOLD SO YOU DON'T EVER FUCKING MISREPRESENT WHAT I SAID AGAIN.

      I SERIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS ALBUM. YOU'RE ENTITLED TO IT. WHAT I CARE THOUGH, IS THAT YOUR OPINION WAS FORMED BASED ON DUCK TALES.THIS GAVE YOU THE WRONG EXPECTATIONS FROM THE START.


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    3. LET ME WRITE IN CAPITALS*

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    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    5. I can hear you trilling and wheezing all the way from here. Calm down ol girl, you sound like a duck.

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    6. "But the point stands that I still think it's a fucking stupid idea."
      You never really say why you think this is a stupid idea, but I'd make a guess that it's because the music is based on a work of fiction.

      Musicians have been inspired by and basing their work on fiction since long before we even developed the concept of notes. From old folk tales put to song and from classical pieces like "Peer Gynt" by Edvard Grieg and "Der Ring des Nibelungen" by Wagner through classic metal with "The Battle of Evermore" and "Misty Mountain Hop" by Led Zeppelin up to(and being incredibly prevalent in) modern Metal. For example anything by Star One the majority of Nightwish... And hell if you include Nordic Mythology and Sagas you've got entire sub-genres of the stuff.

      Fact is I don't care if you don't like this album. I don't care if dislike the writer. What I do care about is that almost every reviewer who has reviewed this album, good or bad, goes on about either how stupid this is or how rare and wonderful this type of thing is. But it isn't!

      And that is the great thing about Metal Writes/Bands and Metal in general. This is a genre in which we can find, among the more mainstream of our bands and writers, songs of Ring Wraiths, songs of wizards building stone towers, songs of Magic hammers of myth. And in our more obscure, find great dedications to old sea shanties and Science Fiction about the evolution of man and his future.

      And how did you just refer to this type of thing? As “a Simpsons joke”.

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    7. Also, an album about Calvin and Hobbes would be brilliant.

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    8. (It's BH, I'm on my phone)

      The problem with this theory of yours is that it's the same logic that would lead you to buying a bag of skittles for your girlfriend for Valentines Day because "Well it's no different from lobster, they're both food"

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  5. Goddamnit, man. No one cares about this album, and no one cares about you. Get a life and stop pestering people on their blogs for random shit.

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    1. I don't care either.

      But it's not Duck Tales.

      Get a life and stop writing shitty reviews.

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  6. So much autism condensed into such a tiny space coming from a man who, above all things, just really, really loved his Duck Tales.

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    1. But it wasn't about Duck Tales RAWR RAWR RARR... meow

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    2. Like I said, it is just goddamn srs bsns and he needs to hoist that banner high.

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  7. Whoever you people are THESE COMMENTS ARE AMAZING! Now excuse me while I go listen to something that won't put me to sleep like an album about a duck.

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    1. Yeah why don't you suck his tiny cock even more? Faggot.

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    2. I'm interested in how you would know what his cock looks like. Calling me a faggot (I'm a woman, by the way, who loves BH sense of humor and taste in music) because of "<3 BH" really shows your insecurities. ;-) Have a nice day and don't feel bad about yourself for using such a poor attempt to insult someone.

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  8. Everyone who has commented on this page, including me, is a fan and lover of large sweaty cocks rammed at terminal speed down all of their orifices.

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    1. Long hard day...
      Take a shower after work
      Suddenly, my pleasure brakes
      As 4 buff as hell, true metal man enter the room
      The atmosphere now is frightening
      Manowar is in my sight
      I tried to run, but slipped on soap
      They grabbed my as and fucked me tight like whore
      Used soap instead of Vaseline, so now I became a biggest fan
      Of the biggest, gay metal band

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  9. I'm genuinely blown away that this is still going on. Okay, lemme hurry up and get some shit out of the way here:

    1) ">I'm wrong there, go ahead and lynch me.
    Glad you admitted it."

    I do enjoy how you took that out of context to make it look like I apologized for the whole review being wrong, when really all I did as the cartoon duck equivalent of calling The Hobbit a prequel to The Lord of the Rings. If I did that, somebody would say "that's not right", and I'd say "oh, whoops" and that'd be the end of that. This random dude just keeps on hounding me about something so fucking pointless and it's just bewildering to me.

    2) You keep saying that you don't care about my opinion on the album, and that you only wanted to correct that one thing, but then you keep on jabbering about how my opinion is wrong. Do you really believe your own shit? Do you think that you can really pretend to be all civilized and only care about one tiny, insignificant detail and then yak about my musical criticisms? Just stop being so damn phony and just admit that you disagreed with my assessment and got really, unmanageably butthurt about it, jeez.

    3) This is all stemming off the point that I called the album based on Duck Tales when I NEVER DID THAT. How and why is this such a huge point of contention? I mentioned Duck Tales because Scrooge is the main character in that hugely popular television show that I'm familiar with. It's mindblowing how upset you're getting over that when it was never the point nor even ever the case. I can't even think of a humorous analogy to compare this to because it's so goddamn confusing to me. It's... it's just what? How would that change anything about the review if I never mentioned it? I say my expectations were based on that and what Nightwish sounds like (two non-unreasonable things to base expectations on), and then when I heard it and learned that it was based on the material prior to Duck Tales, my expectations were defied, but the album was still awful. What I initially expected when first hearing about the album had absolutely fucking NOTHING to do with my final opinion. I listened to it, I hated it, I thought it was super boring and didn't convey a sense of adventure, wonder, nostalgia, or anything it was going for. It's bad, suck it up and stop being so unbelievably indignant and whiny about it.

    4) "Here's a mistake here. Why the fuck are you assuming that Life and Times is supposed to convey a sense of adventure and that this album should convey that? Your expectations were unjustified, especially when you didn't actually read it. You of course made that connection because of Duck Tales."

    I dunno, maybe track titles like "A Lifetime of Adventure" would make me expect something adventurous?

    5) "The book title is Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. The title of this album is Music inspired by the Life and Tmes of Scrooge. How is that unnecessarily long?"

    I don't expect all of my jokes to hit bullseye, but I do at least expect people to realize when I'm trying to make one. This one isn't even obtuse, this is just you nitpicking everything you can possibly find and willfully misinterpreting it to try and discredit my opinion because you got so goddamned bent out of shape over it. This is honestly my favorite part of the whole rant, because holy shit.

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    1. (I actually wrote too much and it made me split it up, good lord)

      6) "You say you're open to criticism and yet, your classic comeback is to just call us a bunch of looneys if you happen to disagree with our criticisms."
      "You keep going on about how the album sucks even now, and you're trying to justify your opinion on it."

      Am I not supposed to defend myself? Criticizing me doesn't mean the proper response is to curl up in the fetal position and just let you blow up about a misappropriation in the chronology of the mythos of a cartoon duck.

      7) "I SERIOUSLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS ALBUM. YOU'RE ENTITLED TO IT. WHAT I CARE THOUGH, IS THAT YOUR OPINION WAS FORMED BASED ON DUCK TALES.THIS GAVE YOU THE WRONG EXPECTATIONS FROM THE START."

      The whole part about how "This isn't what I expected at all, but it's still terrible because of [the rest of the review]" means nothing to you, does it? My opinion of the album itself is based on the album itself, the fact that my expectations were different means absolutely jack shit in the grand scheme of things. You keep on saying that my opinion isn't the issue, and yet I've said time and time again that my expectations meant nothing and you keep on harping on it. Clearly my opinion bothered you at least as much as the fact that I mentioned Duck Tales (it has to be the mere mention of it, because I never based the review around it, it's most prevalent contribution is the pun in the title). Just... fucking relax. I can't believe you've blown your top about this and that it's still going on nearly a week after I published the review.

      I can't believe I wrote an equally long response to the whole thing, but this is so bloody amusing to me.

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    2. I can't believe it's not butter.

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    3. Come on BastardHead, this album is based off Duck TalesFUCK I mean The Wife and Limes of Stooge

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    4. I mean the Strife and Dimes of Splooge

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  10. Had a listen to this album online, and holy shit, it really sucks. I mean, I thought this...
    http://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Nightwish/Imaginaerum_-_The_Score/350202
    ...was bad enough, but then Tuomas proved that he could write even more boring go-nowhere instrumentals. He really should just count his losses and stick with his usual material, because side projects like this are not doing him any favors whatsoever.

    And this is coming from the guy who gave regular Imaginaerum a 91% and still considers it one of the best of 2011.

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  11. The one thing I get from the comments is that a lot of people listened to a soundtrack meant to go with a 21-book-long comic series and completely missed the fact that, well, *it was a soundtrack meant to go with a 21-book-long comic series*, not a standalone album…

    I also learned that Don Rosa’s work is sadly very underrated if the only thing people get from it is DuckTales (a show that Don Rosa absolutely loathed for cheapening the stories he wrote).

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  12. "The one thing I get from the comments is that a lot of people listened to a soundtrack meant to go with a 21-book-long comic series and completely missed the fact that, well, *it was a soundtrack meant to go with a 21-book-long comic series*, not a standalone album…"

    I hate to break it to you, but this is presented as one album. That's all we get, ten songs. If you can read 21 books in 55 minutes, then congratulations, you're a mutant.

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    1. Admittedly I can’t read 21 books in 55 minutes, but I can very easily replay them in my head in that time. Here I must point out that most soundtrack albums are way shorter than the corresponding movies. Compare the 46-minute The Lion King soundtrack to the 88-minute movie…

      Not to mention the title. You see “Music inspired by” and you don’t even stop a minute to consider that what follows is the title of something else?

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    2. I'm lost, are you implying that I didn't know that this was inspired by and based off of a preexisting story? Because that really, blatantly, clearly couldn't be any more incorrect. There's been a forty comment argument about it. I know what it's based off of, I still think it sucks mightily, end of story.

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    3. I was just confused whether you reviewed the album not knowing of the original work, or you reviewed it while deliberately ignoring the original work. It turns out it’s the second part, then.

      For your information, "A Lifetime of Adventure", since you complained about that title, is a song about an old man growing melancholic AFTER a lifetime of adventure… which is plenty clear to anyone who has read even one of the books. So, that's one thing you missed: CONTEXT.

      I could excuse someone who read the books but didn't like the album (my brother found it "too dreamy"). Insisting on reviewing the album separately from its context… not so much.

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    4. Context or not, that's not what this is a review for. It's about the album, which I reviewed. I don't know why this has been going on for a month and a half at this point.

      Also: "For your information, "A Lifetime of Adventure", since you complained about that title, is a song about an old man growing melancholic AFTER a lifetime of adventure… which is plenty clear to anyone who has read even one of the books"

      I brought up that title because it implies there'd be a sense of adventure somewhere on the album, and since it's the second to last song, you'd think that at least ONE song prior to it would have elicited that emotion from me. But it never did, even when that was the point. That's why it failed. It failed because it was an unbelievably boring album full of pointless non-songs that didn't paint any sort of landscape or sense of wonder like it was obviously trying to do. If these weird Finns who keep going on about this are right in telling me that the music fits the books in context, it's just implying to me that the books are boring as shit too.

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  13. I feel almost vulgar, in this yuletide season, to bring up a recommendation of the work this..."music" is based off.

    I hope the general autism in the comments above didn't discourage you from ever checking it out. If it did though, I understand.

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  14. y'all're missing the point, this fucking album blows and is boring as hell, the other night i couldnt sleep and i put this shit on and instantly fell asleep

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  15. fuck you little bitch i'll slit ur throat with my baretta

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